Nailed It

Sorry I haven't blogged in awhile, I will try to make it up to you in this post:

Even typing this post is going to be hard for me... not due to emotional distress, but actually physically challenging because I decided it was a good idea to glue giant plastic finger bumpers to the ends of my nails.

I love getting pedicures... nothing in life is so bad that it can't be fixed with a little massage and hot towel leg treatment, but I couldn't get a pedicure. I couldn't get a pedicure because my skinny jeans wouldn't roll up past my redwood forest kankles.... (Oh how I wish that was a joke). So what other options was I left with than a manicure? I, however, cannot get a true manicure because I was blessed with my Grandpa Fry's paper thin nails that are most certainly the only truly thin thing I have on my body. Needless to say my real nails are shorter than a Kim Kardasian marriage, and I had to get fake nails.

I honestly don't know how people so effortlessly control their fake nails... for me, simple tasks such as buckling my seat belt looks like I'm trying to bite my ear over and over again. Picking up small things has become tactically challenging, and now I hold pens like a walrus (should a walrus pick up penmanship as a new hobby). Basically it's like becoming self-induced handicapped.

Fortunately they look nice, otherwise the whole practice should be labeled "insane" and only applied to convicted criminals who need a mild form of constant torture.

Don't worry though, I did in fact get a pedicure the other day. I was able to go with my friend Hailey and her family to a busy nail salon in the mall. Every chair was full, (most filled by her wonderful cousins), but it was more busy than I've ever seen a nail salon.

We waited and picked out colors before it was our turn to sit in the sweet, sweet massage chairs. Of coarse I can't just wait like a normal person, I was digging around for money to buy a water (I was parched level : Sahara dessert). In one hand I had $1.50 and my nail color (pantone 17-5641 emerald green), and in the other hand I had keys,phone,headphones,eco lip balm, etc.

I've never really excelled at multi-tasking so when Hailey's cousin asked to see my nails, I immediately opened my hand (which had, until that moment, been holding $1.50 and nail polish) and all the contents crashed to the ground. Bright Green nail polish and splinters of nail polish container glass spread all over the floor of the PACKED nail salon.

Now, I don't mean to brag, but you are talking to the girl who barfed on the face of a poor soul on a first date... it takes a LOT to embarrass me, so at this point it was just kind of another day in the life of Kasie, until I looked up at Hailey and her cousin who were covered in green paint. Ugh, clothes ruined / moment ruined / and I still hadn't been able to buy my drink.

I was trying to frantically help the poor "nail salon guy" clean up my giant mess when I heard a girl say "ma'am, you're bleeding," and sure enough, Hailey's cousin had a giant drip of blood coming out of her leg... A piece of glass had cut her leg bad and it was gushing. I had maimed someone with my toddler-like motor skills. Not a shining moment in my life....

Good news, nobody got tetanus.

(this picture was taken before I noticed the blood)