Sick

In reflection of the past 4 days I've come to the conclusion that I am TERRIBLE at being sick.

This long stretch of failure to ail appropriately started a very long time ago when I was a child afflicted with self-diagnosed OCD and REFUSED to miss school and destroy my record of perfect attendance. I remember having to have a special meeting with my first grade teacher and my mom in order to plea my case for getting perfect attendance despite missing a few days to get tubes surgically inserted in my ears (no luck).

I remember one of my first acts of defiance was straight out lying to my mom about the chicken pox and telling her "it's just a bug," "nothing someone would have to miss school for."

As an adult my methods for evasively avoiding missing out on life have altered strategically but are no less desperate in nature. I do anything and everything in my power to be sick NEVER and even when necessary as little as possible.

Don't be confused, this is no act of valor. This is simply a frantic attempt to avoid pain or anguish of any kind. I am not what you would call a "fighter." I would not be the person on the episode of "I Shouldn't Be Alive" that lived. I would be the one whose photo is posted in the end in a dedicatory second of fame. I hate even mild discomfort. For example, if ice cream headaches lasted more than a matter of seconds I would probably be looking for the nearest cliff.

This is why, when I get a real illness, a real sickness, I sleep. I'm not under the impression that this is anything extraordinary except for the fact that the sleep isn't often interrupted by bouts of consciousness. My current method of avoiding missing out on the world is being unconscious until I feel better. It isn't fool proof, but after my most recent illness and unconsciousness of about 43 hours between monday night and wednesday morning I feel better than someone suffering from kidney stones, so essentially it served its purpose.

For all of you that suffer ACTUAL anguish, I applaud you. I have come to the realization that I will never be like you (for my will to live ends quickly after hitting my funny bone), but I envy your fight and your drive and encourage you to keep fighting... its what Oprah would want.